I’m getting increasingly unsatisfied with my job as the economy spirals downward and there are no jobs to be found especially for my new American clients who are now facing tougher competition in the job market than ever since I’ve worked here. Not only that but refugee arrivals are low, so I have fewer participants to work with and finding myself twiddling my thumbs quite a bit. But thanks be to God, I am going to part time June 1st! I am so excited about this. And even more exciting is that soon after I will be married!
Just a few months ago I was telling my friends that my goal in life at the time was to get married and work part time. My dreams are coming true! And who else but my best friend to make that happen!
I could go on for ever about how wonderful my fiancé is. I am truly the luckiest girl in the universe. He rocks my world. God is so so good to us. He’s given us the most amazing gift of love. Every day with him gets better and better.
I have learned so much about love and being loved. Letting myself BE loved has been more challenging than loving. I know that if I were where I was two years ago in my journey, this relationship would be a lot different. God has brought me to an awesome place being able to accept God’s love for me. It’s not been easy, but it’s been good. And I know that I know that I know that He loves me. No matter what I do or have done.
Learning to accept God’s love for me is an awesome journey.
Learning to accept Jaron’s love me is its own journey, but similar, and it’s not always been easy either. Just like in my journey of learning God’s love for me, I have moments of doubt and insecurity, working at developing a trust. Drawing on my knowledge of God’s love and trust in Him has been the building blocks of accepting love from Jaron. Without my acceptance of God’s love I know it would be amazingly difficult to accept Jaron’s love. Lies try to creep in reminding me how dark I am and telling me that no one could ever see past the things I’ve done, telling me that I will never be good enough or worth enough. All these things were dealt with when I realized God’s love for me. It seems strange to go through it all again with a person. You’d think I’d be over it. But those dark things have crept back. But I’m finding myself more secure in the possibility of them being forgotten, forgiven and even making me who I am today. And reaffirming reassuring reconfirming the fact that I AM accepted, I am lovely, I am worthwhile, I AM LOVED.
Living Loved changes your life.
It’s so awesome how powerful love is. Knowing the love of God kills the lies and opens me up to a deeper relationship with him. And it’s so cool to experience this human relationship with Jaron because it’s been an illustration of what happened in my heart with God. I have no need to be afraid of my past or afraid of being rejected when I know I am loved. Because Perfect Love casts out fear. And I can say (still with shy confidence) that I KNOW Jaron loves me! And this knowledge opens up a deeper relationship with him.
To be honest, I am still not fully there. Still find it hard at times to entrust my whole heart to someone. Still dealing with past hurts. But I’m not afraid to go there. I’m not afraid to let Love heal me. And He is. The healing I’ve experience since my relationship with Jaron has begun has been incredible. I want to allow myself to be loved by Jaron and unshakably believe that he does. I do not want to be afraid of getting hurt. I know it’s possible for him to hurt me, but that is the risk you take when entrusting your heart to someone.
I used to be afraid of loving Jaron too much or even trusting him, because I don’t want to put him on a pedestal or give him honor that is due to God, and knowing that humans fail and I can’t fully trust them, that only God is trustworthy. But God is revealing to me a proper way of loving Him and others. There is No Fear in Love! I am FREE to love Jaron with my whole heart! I do not need to be afraid of a divided heart. Love is a miracle. I can love God with my whole heart AND love Jaron with my whole heart. True Love is limitless and bottomless! And I know that God lives IN Jaron, and to love Jaron is to love God too (that is not to say that Jaron is God by any means!) And I can trust Jaron, because I trust God! And I know that God has given me Jaron, and I can trust God with my trust of Jaron.
I don’t have to be afraid of putting Jaron above God, or afraid of making sure I put God first.
I Love Jaron
God IS Love. There He is, right between us :)
It’s not about a priority list. It’s about understanding who Love is and having a proper perspective of how it’s even possible to love. If anyone is afraid of putting a person above God it is only because they don’t have a proper perspective of Love. When I truly love someone, it is impossible to dishonor God with that. Because True Love includes wanting the other person to know God’s Love. God commands us to love one another. If there are cases of someone’s “love” for another distracting them from a relationship with God, then I would say they have a misunderstanding of who Love really is and question that persons “love” for the other.
I am my Beloved’s and He is mine and we are His.
