Moving... Again

Every time I move it feels like another chapter in the story of my life.

I'm sad. I'm going to miss my little cockroach infested place. I am going to miss living alone. I am going to miss the hardwood floors. I am going to miss being able to decorate it to my taste and not worry about what anyone else thinks. I am going to miss the location. I am going to miss being so close to work. I am going to miss it here.

I'm sad.

What am I doing?

Restoration

Last night I had a dream that I was at a ski hill, ready to pay for my equipment so I could go soar down some hills. I got my wallet, and opened it up to find all my money, credit cards, drivers license... everything was missing. I had been robbed. I was so incredibly upset. I was so upset I woke myself up, and I felt so violated. I almost got out of bed to check to see if my things were still there.

I don't think it was a coincidence I had this dream. I have been feeling spiritually robbed lately. Struggling to grasp the promises of life abundant. I was trippin' after reading Hebrews 11 the other night. To imaging that the famous "Hall of Faith"ers never experienced or received the promises... yet they were commended for their faith. It doesn't seem at all fair, and I don't understand how God could do that to them.

But then comes Hebrews 12... Run with perseverance, Look to Jesus the PIONEER of our faith. Although, I still don't understand why God did not let the Faith Fathers experience the promises I know that Hebrews 12 is meant to encourage. I was particularly encouraged by verse 12, a verse that I must have read many times in my life, but I never really read it til now, "Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees." To me, it's a call to worship and to not be discouraged... despite the Faith Fathers seemingly getting jipped... somehow there's hope in there, and a reason to lift our hands. Still trying to grasp it.

So I finished my painting. It has remnants of the mistake I made on it. It's not perfect. It's not exactly what I want it to look like. Things happened along the way that I didn't plan on or expect. Some things don't make sense about it like the colors or shapes. Some things seem out of place. But somehow it works. I can't seem to want to add or change anything else about it. Usually all the flaws irritate me to no end and I have to see them fixed... but for some reason, it just keeps telling me to leave it be. And it makes me think about life.

I am still sad about moving. I started packing stuff already, and forgot to take pics of my place. So I'm bummed about that. I think I need a good cry.

Must See

YouTube Videos you must see:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MONTPHr7V1w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVJqRLU3J0I

Be Blessed!

Not Very Quite a Masterpiece

dangit. i ruined my painting. its probably the best painting I've ever done. i work on it now and then on days i have to myself, or days i get bailed out on. It's not OF anything really. Just color and lines. A larger, colorfuler, more detailed version of a doodle i would do. I can't seem to capture anything realistic, so I stick to the abstract (is that like my life?) But i ruined it tonight. I'm very quite sad. ... (can i say "very quite"?)

I tried to fix it, but it just got worse. Perhaps I will get bailed out on again (which is very likely if I don't get out of my imaginary world where everyone is good, trustworthy and reliable) and I'll get a revelation on how to make something beautiful out of what I screwed up. I guess that's what God does with me all the time. Perhaps he's trying to teach me a lesson in this.

I've taken pictures of the painting as its evolved. Perhaps someday if its worth looking at I might post the evolution. And perhaps a lesson will be learned by it all, and of that will come its name.

So you get to see my pallet instead... its far more cool to look at right now.

On the Move Yet Again

I guess it must be a good thing when your current landlord says after telling him that you are moving things like, "Sorry to see you go" or "You'll be missed."

He was the first unexpected knock on my door that I've ever had since living here. And I've been over a year now. He came to ask if he could show my apartment to a possible new tenant. He gave me 20 minutes notice! Just long enough to tidy things up a bit.

After he gave the girl the tour (she didn't even look around that much, which kind of surprised me) they went out to discuss details. Mr. Landlord came back later to thank me for being so flexible. He's a good guy, and as far as landlords go, I'm sure he's among the coolest. I told him how I am going to miss this place, and we both chuckled as we spoke of how much character it has. I'm glad he found me to be a good tenant, and I hope he knows that its really only cuz of Jesus that I can be so awesome! ha ha.

Aside from the cockroaches, lack of AC, and the occasional funkymonkey business from the neighbors, I really am going to miss this little place. I've never felt unsafe here. It's so cozy
in the winter. I've had a ton of fun decorating it. It's been all mine. I think that's what's going to be the hardest about having a roommate... is not being totally free to splash Leah stuff all over the walls. It's going to be different. And I suppose its time for a new adventure.

And so I move again. But this time, it's a move further into the American ideals of comfort... garage, fireplace, dishwasher, association that mows the lawn and shovels the drive, whirl pool bath tub. Who the heck do I think I am trying to live it up like this? I best not get too comfortable. I still want to go to Mozambique someday, and I'm pretty sure they have none of that.

Still trying to figure out where I fit. And trying to figure out what kind of person I want putting up with me. But that's besides the point.

Only a couple more weeks to go in this little one bedroom, character-filled, creaky-floored apartment. It served me well.