Hungry

You are not going to believe what I did.... I forgot my keys AGAIN! That would make it twice in this one week that I've locked myself out! How embarrassing. This time instead of calling a locksmith, I tried picking the lock with my bobby pin. I would make a terrible burglar. Then after humbling myself and calling for help, Maggie tried a credit card; and just like that the door opened! It's scary how easy it was. Anyone could do it.

After this last weeks happenings including breaking out in zits and catching a small cold, I've concluded that I'm much more stressed out then I realized. Perhaps I've been in denial, or maybe stress is affecting me in other ways. Because of my intercultural Studies major, I've studied the theories behind culture shock, so I know what's going on. But I have no control over it! I must admit (so that you will know how to P for me) that I have been a bit depressed and find myself staring into space. It's not that I'm unhappy here... In fact, I am very glad to be here, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else right now. And it's not that I'm lonely... Well, maybe a little. I can't exactly place my finger on it. All I know is I'm not functioning at 100% and wish to be. I am very easily distracted. I can't focus or meditate on the Father cause my mind finds so many bunny trails to chase after. It's been so difficult for me to fall asleep at night because my mind is going a million miles an hour. So I wake up tired, and I'm tired all day. Arg! Perhaps these are symptoms of culture shock, or perhaps they are schemes of the enemy to see that I don't stir things up in this godless place. Either way, its not how I want to live. I want to live my life here to the fullest, giving Him all the glory!

Saturday was a busy day. I hung out with my students almost the entire day. We took lots of pictures and went shopping and ate at KFC (first time for me to eat KFC here). Later I ate with a student at a Chinese place. We met some super cute girls who wanted to follow us everywhere and talk to me. I bought them an ice cream cone, and they were like the happiest little girls alive. It was so cute.

The picture is of me and some of my class 19 students this Saturday on Walking Street.

There is a place on Walking Street that is elevated, usually people sit along side the edges. But once in a while they will turn on the fountains there. This day I saw the fountains on for the first time. It was pretty cool, until I saw what I thought at first was a naked kid playing in the water. It turned out to be an older woman taking a bath. She must have been poor and homeless and perhaps a little crazy. Maybe it was the first shower she's had in months. Mostly I was shocked that a woman would do such a thing with millions of onlookers, as Walking Street is a very busy place. It broke my heart.

This morning I woke up with the sniffles again. I wasn't feeling well all day. I read a whole book called The Priestly Bride, about what it means to be His beloved. It gave me a kaleidoscope of emotions to deal with. And for the first time since I've been here, I really cried. The biggest feeling it gave me, honestly, was frustration. Wanting to be in that place with Him, but not knowing how. Wanting to experience Him, but feeling absolutely nothing. Knowing that there is SO much more to this life, but not having it is frustrating. The hunger is maddening. As is the silence. I have to trust Him that He will not only increase the hunger, but also satisfy it.

I am getting more creative in my cooking. Still I sometimes long for something familiar. So the other night I made french toast. It was not the same, but good enough to eat. So I can add "making French toast in a wok" to my list of things I never thought I'd do. I didn't have any syrup, so instead I cooked some apples up and made my own syrrup... yum!