Dian (Remember)

I just had a very unforgettable day. I found out yesterday that there was going to be a memorial service for Nigel today. So of course I agreed to go. Brenda chose not to go because she's very emotional and angry with all the lies the school is telling and all the information they are with holding to save their own butts. She's heard rumors from a foreign teacher at another school who has friend in the police department who told him that Nigel was murdered. Martin decided not to go either because he will be leaving to teach in Beijing and wanted to share one last day with his students. So it was just me and Arthur out of the four foreigners that went. I am also disturbed with the corruption surrounding this entire situation, but I wanted to remember Nigel somehow and also was very courious what the Chinese had planned for this. It's been almost two months since Nigel died, and they didn't have a funeral for him til now because of all the complications involved in dealing with the death of a foreigner. All the Chinese English teachers also came, and the headmasters of our school. When we reached the funeral home which was located in the boonies, we saw that a couple other foreign teachers had come from the university where Nigel used to work. We waited around for a while talking about Nigel and all the rumors and speculation about his death. We were all given black cloth to wear around our left arm, a traditional symbol of grief. Then the time came for the "service" to begin. The room was very big, with huge displays of silk flowers lining the walls, and Chinese characters in the middle of the displays, which later Maggie told me meant Dian "remember." Nigel's name was all over the place on fancy signs did up with Chinese caligraphy. I was shocked to enter the large gathering room and see that Nigel was there in a coffin. I thought they had sent his body to Guangzhou or whatever. But there he was. They had Arthur, me and the other foreign teachers stand in the front. The room was very large, and we stood at a distance from the coffin. It was very large with a glass dome over it. Arthur said it was a freezer. I did my best to not look at Nigel. It was the most aweful thing. It's not the first time for me to see a dead body, but it was definitely the first time to see a dead body in China. In the States they make the body look nice and presentable, put makeup on etc... right? No such thing here... oh, Lord! It was terrible. But they had him in fancy Chinese robes and covered in flowers. Even still, I could not look. It was terrible. One of the leaders of our school led the traditional Chinese ceremony. First there was a few minutes of some Chinese funeral march music. Then there was three minutes of silence. Then we were to bow three times. I did not feel that this was inappropriate or contradictory to my faith. It was not out of worship, but out of rememberance and honor, a cultural tradition. So I followed suit. Then we went around the coffin closer and bowed again. Still I could not look. But what my eyes did see was terrible. I quickly made my way out. We removed the black cloth, they gave us a red envelope, and we washed our hands in a kind of tea... also part of the Chinese tradition. It was all so overwhelming, I had a moment to myself to try to take it all in. The sober mood that was felt in the gathering room seemed to end for the rest of the people as soon as they left the room. We got back on the bus and people were chattering like crazy as if nothing had happened. This really bothered both Arthur and I. Along with the fact that the one girl who was there when he died didn't seem phased at all by this day. There's such a heavy feeling that something isn't right about all of this, that there is little peace. I have come to terms with the fact that Nigel is dead, but it is hard, when there is this feeling that justice is lacking, and lies are covering the need for justice. I know I can do nothing about this, it is out of my hands. But I also know that I can rest in the fact that justice belongs to the Lord, and the truth will come to light in the end.

It's interesting... this is the most traditional cultural thing that I've seen in China so far. This funeral is one of the few things that I've witnessed that is purely Chinese. It's interesting how they seek out their development as a country by copying the ways of the west, and how that often conflicts with their eastern mindset and traditional ways of doing things. As terrible as it was to see Nigel's body as it was, I am glad to have had this experience. The cultural funeral traditions of another country run deep. It was such a strange thing to take part in a traditional Chinese funeral but for a caucasian man. In some way it doesn't seem right; like maybe he should have some kind of memorial service according to his culture. He was English. But on the other hand, it seemed just fine. What difference does it make? He might have wanted it this way anyhow, wearing all these fancy Chinese clothes and covered in flowers. Surreal.... so surreal.

When we got back to school we all opened our little red envelopes. Inside was one Yuan. So we went to the nearby shop and bought an icecream cone. It is a tradition to always give money in these red envelopes as "party favors." They give them at weddings and funerals. The holiday coming up is the Chinese New Year. It's akin to our Christmas celebration. But instead of presents, the parents will give their kids money in these red envelopes. The kids are supposed to say "Happy New Year! Give me my money!".... kind of like "trick or treat" I guess.

We didn't have water for the past 2 or 3 days, so last night Brenda and I seriously wanted showers! So we went to the HaiBin Hotel and treated ourselves to a nice meal, showers, and swimming in the hot springs. Such a relaxing night. The moon was full, and the water was so nice and warm.

The weather is so strange. It has all of the sudden gotten warm again! The cold weather comes in spurts I guess. I even bought a parka the other day cause I was so cold! When the weather warms up, it takes a couple more days for my apartment to warm up due to the cement walls. It's really like a basement! So I would have to put my coat on every time I came inside!! So many things are backwards here.

Well, today was my last day of teaching for almost four weeks. It is nice to have a break. But I still don't know what my plans are. I really hope I get to travel to Yunnan. Maggie told me that if her and her friends go to Yunnan I can go with them. Yay. Otherwise I will go to Hong Kong, which I'm not that excited about. This last semester went by so fast. And so many things happened! I am happy to be here a little while longer, but I think I will be ready to come home when the time comes. I long for fellowship with likeminded people.