Cheers

The events of the past days . . . I don't really want to talk about it, but maybe I need to.

I had spent Saturday and Sunday hanging out with my students. So exhasted from doing things non-stop starting with TaiChi early in the morning. I took part in the teacher's sports meeting and had a great time. Nigel and I were the only foreign teachers who took part. I did some running, shooting baskets, hoola hoop. Nigel wanted to do the three legged race with me, but I turned him down. My students took me the the Zhanjiang beer festival. I almost stood them up to go bowling with Arthur, Brenda, and Nigel. I didn't really want to go to the beer festival. But for the sake of my students I went. There were so many people, I felt so claustraphobic. So I made them take me elsewhere. I was shocked to see groups of young kids no more then 12 filling eachothers glasses with beer. My students and I just walked around and talked, and had a good time. Sunday started early again with TaiChi, then to Chikan with my students shopping, and to the food festival. Saw all kinds of things that just about made me sick like scorpions, grubs, tarantulas, beetles, and such on a stick. And gutted, ready to eat dogs. The place they chose to sit and eat was right infront of this display of dead dogs. I quickly lost my appetite. As soon as we got back, I had another date with some other students. They wanted to take me to the same places, but I talked them into taking me to a new place. So we went on this docked old ship that's now used as a hotel and restaurant. We were the only ones there, and got the whole arcade to ourselves. Had a fun time. They treated my to an oyster dinner, and I taught them to play "Truth or Dare." We were laughing and having so much fun. That's when I got the call that Nigel drown.

And life's been hazy since.

Sorry, that's all I can spit out right now.

My No-Turkey Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

I didn't quite know how my Thanksgiving was going to turn out since every one had a different idea about what was going to happen. Some went to the beer festival, and some went to Mrs. Liew's house opening. I didn't want to do either of these on Thanksgiving. Brenda said she was just going to stay home and make something to eat. So I said I'd join her, and we prepared Mexican food! It was so great, cuz my totally awesome sister sent me a package that arrived exactly on time. I got it the day of. And it contained taco seasoning and a little can of cranberry sauce! So we had beans, rice, tomatoes, onions, peppers, and a dash of lime. For wrappers we used fried dumpling wrappers! We invited Nigel, the Englishman. He had never celebrated Thanksgiving before, so was interested to see what it was all about. And he's not really familiar with Mexican food either, so it was an interesting experience for all of us! It's not turkey or pumpkin pie, but it was a nice change from the everyday Chinese cuisine. The cranberry sauce for desert was like a tast of home. So delightful... once we got it open that is! Yeah, it's really hard to come by a can opener here. They rarely eat anything out of a can, so it's uncommon. We pryed it open with a dull knife! I have pictures of the mangled can, illustrating our desperation to open that small taste of home!

It was great after dinner. We watched a "Friends" episode about Thanksgiving, then played games... just like home. I taught them how to play pounce! Yay! It was difficult with just the three of us. Plus the only table we had was really small. So we gave up on that and played Cribbage instead, which was just as fun. Oddly enough it is an English game, I'm sure, but Nigel had never played. He loved it. We don't have a peg board, so we drew one, and marked dots along the way as we made points. It was such fun. Not as fun as it wouldn't been at home, of course, but it was better then I expected.

Today after classes, the students had English performances. We were to be the judges. Their performances before were Chinese, these were centered around English, and we judged them on their pronunciation, performance, content, etc. Performances included skits, poems, songs, and dramas. My students did a version of Snow White. It was halarious. A boy played snow white, and the dialogue was so goofy. They did a great job with their English. Their other attempt was not so great. They did a Beijing Opera version in English, but couldn't understand a thing. Once again my batteries failed half way through on my camera so I couldn't take many pictures. I had a friend buy some during, but they were so cheap. Didn't work. So if any one wants to send me anything for Christmas I'd love another pair of Energizer rechargeable AA batteries!

After the performance four of us went to eat some good western style food. I had some pork chops. I ate so much! Later we were just walking a talking along the "walking street." There are many elderly people doing TaiChi there. Many beggars. Some children do acrobatics begging for money. Every where we go, every place we stop, we gather a crowd. It's like we are the main attraction. You'd think after being here for three months already people would get over it. But it's always the same. People just have to stop and stare. Arg. Anyway, so Martin sees this guy doing TaiChi all by himself. He's got the whole Chinese gettup goin on, and he really looks like he knows his stuff. So Martin wants to ask this guy for TaiChi lessons. The guy accepts, and we chat with him through an interpreter about how he has like 50 students, and how they participate in TaiChi competitions all over China, and he's got pictures on the walls in his shop. The coolest part is his lessons are free for the first few lessons incase we decide it's not for us. Then he tells us that lessons are at 6:30am... A M !!! Ok, some of you may not realize... but this is stinkin early for me. It's really hard for me to do this. But it sounds so cool. So, tomorrow morning, I'm going to be up early and do this thing. I'm going to try to get some pictures for those of you who don't know what TaiChi is.

So, speaking of 6:30 AM... I'm going to crash. G'night!

HenHao

It was nice to have a couple days off of school. Monday was just a nice restful day. I did my laundry, and some cleaning. And how wonderful it is to have my phone fixed. I got to talk to my Mom and Dad, my sister Maia and my friend Lee... all in one day! It's great to hear familiar voices and chat, but it's also a little weird. I feel somehow like I should have fantastic things to talk about, but for some reason I can't think of much. Maybe it's just that I don't know how to express it.

Anyway, I hooked up with a couple of my students. The other night when I went to Sasa's to make and have dumplings, this other girl Nora was there and I noticed she was knitting a scarf. I got excited and told her how I would love to knit. So she was going to show me the shop where they have yarn. So we went there, but the owner of the shop was a very mean man. He would not lower his prices. I'm pretty certain it's because I'm a foreigner. The price is always double. We should be able to barter, but this guy would not budge. My sweet students argued with him for a while til the guy got sick of us and hopped on his motor bike and went home and left the other workers to deal with us. And of course they dont' want to get fired, so they wouldn't budge either. If I were alone I wouldn't just paid the money, but my students convinced me that maybe another time I could get it for half the price he suggested. We walked to GuoMao (the shopping mall) to meet up with Martin. He wanted us to show him to the post office to mail a letter. And I needed to pick up a package anywayl. I warned him before hand that going to the post office is always an adventure. But I don't think he got the hint. It's hard to believe from our Western mindset that going to the post office could ever be more complicated then putting a stamp on a letter and sticking it in a box. We were there for 45 mn trying to mail his letter... even with the help of my students! And this was a letter he was mailing within China! It's unreal. Another thing, they wouldn't let me have my package because I didn't have my passport. Martin bought us all icecream for the help and said bye. Then my students took me to another part of town, because they wanted to treat me to a special Guangdong food. This always makes me a little nervous when they say they want to treat me to something special... cuz usually its something really weird. Well, at least this stuff as weird as it looked, tasted pretty good. It was like a grey steamed rice patty filled with seeds, coconut, peanuts, and sugar.

I went home, got my passport, and headed back to the dreaded post office alone. I got my package, and decided to carry it back. I could've gotten a taxi, since the package was a bit heavy and large, but I didn't feel like dealing with the Taxi. It's about a 20mn walk back to the school. It was nice to get something from home. Thankyou Dara and Angie!

That night I had my Chinese lesson with Xiong Tao. I really enjoy it actually. I really should study harder, though. I'm able to help Xiong Tao improve her English as well, so it's great fun.

Tuesday I woke up early to hang out with my students. It was a lovely day. We walked all morning along HaiBin Park, the park that follows the sea side for a mile or more. We took a lot of great pictures. And had some really good conversation. As we were walking there was a couple guys I think were professional photographers snapping the park and the city. They asked me and my students to pose and act like we were walking along the park. Kinda silly, and the students were embarrassed. Dude, I'm so used to people doing stuff like this now, I don't even care. We walked a long way. They took me farther then I've gone before. We walked all the way to this new park near the navy ships, where many navy guys were walking about. It was a lovely new addition to the park. We saw a bride and groom having their wedding photos shot. There were these model thatchroofed cabins whose outer walls were done in seashells! It was so neat. We were pretty tired from walked by then, so we took a taxi back.

The rest of the day was nice a relaxing as well. I kicked back, took a long nap, did a little shopping, and watched a movie.

Now it's back to teaching. But this weeks lessons have been fun. I am first talking a little bit about Thanksgiving and then playing Taboo. It's a great game, getting them to talk, and think about explaining and defining words. Plus, they love the competition. Some of them really get into the game and wish to go on even after the bell has rung. What fun. Even my difficult classes can get into this.

This afternoon, Martin asked if we could take some pictures. He doesn't have a camera, so I've offered to email my pictures to him. He wanted to make sure we got one's he really wanted like classic Chinese culture shots. It was great fun. I'll try to post a couple. One is of students buying their lunch from vendors, and the other of me buying some vegies at the market. If you want more I can send them to you through email.

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's still not decided what we are going to do. I think we might end up eating at a Western food restaurant. But we've been invited to go to a Chinese teachers new house by the sea and to hang out at the beer festival.... gee, sounds like a great time. Nobody feels like cooking though. I'm a little bummed. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving. And when you bite into that turkey, eat that stuffing, yams, pumpkin pie, and drink that punch... think of me. And maybe you will REALLY appreciate that you have those things to eat, and that you get to share it with your loved ones. But I have many things to be thankful for, too. Like a heavenly Father who takes such good care of me, and has provided me with every thing I need and blessed me with many things above and beyond my needs. He is good.

Still Alive

Yesterday was a full day. I had to wake up super early to be at the 7:30am opening ceremony for the school's sports meet held at the stadium near the school. I brought my camera, but the batteries were dead! I was so bummed, cause it was quite a sight. On the field were all of the students, of all the grades. Seventy-Eight classes in all. Multiply that by an average of 60 students per class! I wish I could've taken a picture so you could see how unreal this sea of people is. And to think, each is an individual uniquely and lovingly created. Another cool thing that I wish I could have captured was the fan dance. The students have been practicing for weeks. There were at least two hundred students in formation doing this dance. It was actually fast-paced TaiChi where each student has a red fan which they open and close in sync. It was beautiful. Dang batteries! Here's a picture of later in the day when I got some new batteries.

I have to tell you, it was SO cold this morning too! I was freezing! And they say it will get even colder. Surprising! I was so tired and hungry and cold that I decided to not stick around for the sports, so I headed back home. But on the way, I got stopped of course by several people wanting to chat. Dream made me promise to come see her run in the afternoon. Then I got invited by the geography teacher to check out some new jewelry shops at that moment. And then Maggie found me and told me that the church service started in 15 minutes. We have been planning to go together for so long now, but something has always come up. So we brought the geography teacher with us too. It was a Catholic church, very nice typical Western style cathedral-type building. Beautiful garden outside. Inside was very ... catholic. Large statue of the crucified JC in the front, other icons of saints around. The room was super quiet. There were a handful of people there, including a priest and a nun. Maggie and I sat down and chatted a bit. She told me she had gone there with a friend of hers a couple weeks ago to just check it out and find out the times. It was really uncomfortable, though. We only stayed for a couple minutes. The geography teacher told us that there was another church nearby. It was a Protestant one. The service had started earlier, so we were late. And it was packed with people, so we couldn't go inside! So we didn't really stick around for that either. Plus the service was in Cantonese, so it's even difficult for Maggie to understand, since she is from the North and speaks Mandarin. Most teachers here come from the north actually. All classes are taught in Mandarin.

I didn't quite know how to feel after visiting these places. And I didn't know what to say. I still don't.

We then went to the new marketplace where vendors had their different shops of jewelry, books, and some fish. Turns out these are the same shops that I saw when I bought my bonsia tree, but they had to relocate. Many of these shops were littering up the small lake there, so they had to move, but all of the plant shops were able to stay. I found a book about bonsai trees in English, so I bought that.

When I got home I finally was able to take a nice nap and have some breakfast. I had a dream then, that we went to another chrch and Maggie was worshipping the Father.

After my nap, I went down to make good on my promise to watch Dream run her race. My students were with me at the time. Afterwards we went to the school to play some games. It's always a little awkward when I'm with anyone and Dream wants my attention. Her English is so good, and her presence is so demanding, that it makes it difficult for me to handle. I taught a group of my students and Dream how to play Uno. It was pretty fun; but Dream requires so much attention that it steals from the moments with my own students. I think she is really starving for love. But I can't ignore my own students on account of her. I must be wise about it.

After Uno, I met up with Lilla and one of my students, Nora (she is adorable). They brought me to Sasa's house (another student of mine). It was a lot of fun. She had a really nice apartment, with this HUGE big screen tv, 3 bedroom, piano, etc. I met her parents, didn't speak English, but very nice, and very excited to welcome me to their home. They wanted me to play a little piano for them, which I did. Yikes. I'm way out of practice. Sasa showed me a traditional Chinese instrument that she played for me. It was stinking awesome. I don't know what's its called, but it's similar to a harp. A couple more girls showed up, and they taught me how to make dumplings. It was so great. It reminded me of cooking with my Hmong friends. We made a ton of dumplings, and had this great dinner including with soup, cabbage, cucumbers, clams, and chicken. I'm always nervous eating any kind of bird these days with that flu going around! Surprisingly the clams were my favorite. They were awesome! Sasa's mom even pulled out their 10 yr old wine. I was so honored that she thought of me as such a worthy guest. So of course I had some.

I still had the Uno game on me from earlier in the day, so after the meal I taught this group of girls how to play. What fun they are! Had a great time. During the game the tv was on, and I was kinda watching out of the corner of my eye. There were subtitles in English, so I could read what was going on. Bush was visiting China, meeting all kinds of important people. But the thing that was most interesting to me was that he was asking the leaders to lighten up on religious freedoms. I forget all that was said, but he made some very bold exhortations to them about religion. Very interesting!

I attatched a couple pics to this post, but i don't see them. do they show up for you?

Thankful

The past few days have come and gone like the wind. Teaching sixteen classes the same lessons is becoming breezier. Meaning, that before it seemed like I would've never been done with that particular lesson as teaching it so many times would get really old. But now I'm becoming more used to it, and I actually prefer being able to teach the same lesson multiple times because I get to tweek it each time. By the fifth or sixth class I've found the most effective way to give this particular lesson. And my confidence in it grows. And each class is unique, which makes each time fresh and interesting for even me. Still there's always classes like this morning's class 24. They are always a challenge. I've decided not to waste my energy and emotion on those students who'd rather sleep and read magazines in class and who just don't give a darn about English. This way I can focus on the handful of kids who actually try to learn, actually listen to me. It makes it more manageable anyway. There are just too many kids for me to try to motivate them all to learn. There's that point where it's really up to them, and there's nothing I can do for them no matter how hard I try to make the class interesting.

Today is actually Saturday, but I'm teaching Tuesday's classes. It's a weird feeling. This Sunday and Monday they have their sports meet, and Tuesday they have a day off. So I don't have to teach Monday, but I have to make up Tuesday's classes today. It's really weird, but whatever. They want us foreign teacher's to participate in some sports, too. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If they have volley ball I'll play, or ping pong. But there's no way I'm running. I'm too out of shape for that!

We played volley ball again last night. I love playing with every one. It's so much fun, even though we all stink and rarely get good volleys going. Every one is there to have fun. Even the "professionals." And it's just a good fun happy feeling.

The other night I lost so much sleep. There was the strangest sound coming from outside my window. It sounded almost like a howling cat or something. But it was so loud and so disturbing. Some say it could've been the rats, but who knows. It was so loud!

Thursday night some of my students invited my to join them in their art class. I met the art teacher, Mr. Li Ming, last weekend when we went to the park. It was a lot of fun. I have never taken an art class in my life, so it was fun to see. There were only four students in there, which was a shocker! I joined them in sketching some objects. Mr. Li showed us a photo album of pictures of some of his work, paintings and drawings. He is an amazing artist. He reminds me of Jay Xiong, actually. Even laughs like him! Mr. Li brought out the caligraphy paints and brushes and taught me some Chinese characters. It really is an art. You have to hold the brush just right, and each character has to be written in the right order just right. Now I know some simple characters, and I can write my Chinese name LiAn.

During the class one of my students, Tracy, wanted me to tell her some ghost stories. She loves them for some reason. It's strange, becuase many Chinese are terrified of ghosts. Recently I heard that several people were killed somewhere in China in a night club, when the power went out and in the darkness someone shouted out "Ghost!" And a terrified mob crushed some people trying to escape the building. If someone yelled out "ghost" in the US I think everyone would laugh. Isn't in interesting the contrast of mindsets and deeprooted beliefs.

I'm talking about Thanksgiving in my classes this week. I think this will be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas that I will be away from home. It's kind of a bummer you know. My students often ask me if I miss my family and if I am sad that I will not go home for the holidays. Of course, I am. I miss home very much. And I am going to miss the food too! Turkey, pumpkind pie, purple salad! And being with family, playing Pounce! It doesn't get any better then that. In my lesson I tell them the meaning of Thanksgiving, and tell them what I am thankful for, like family and friends. So I think of you often and want you to know that I truly am thankful for each of you.

I have to run to class now!

Feel the Burn

What an ever present battle we face every single day. How short the time is on the mountain top. How never ending seems the dry and barren desert of this world. Who will save me from this body of death! I long so much to be free from this constant struggle and the effects of the curse, and to be in His presence and behold His beauty forever.
It's so easy to forget that I'm in battle, and that It's not against flesh and blood. As some one very wise once told me, the most casualties of war are caused when people forget they are in battle and put their gaurd down. I put my gaurd down every single day. I am so aware right now of my overwhelming weakness. But as another wise person said to me, " Gd has you even in a hard place not because He wants to prove to you how weak you are, but because He has faith in you, because in Him, your weak love is made strong. and the smallest move of your heart to go after Him ravishes Him and is mighty to the pulling down of strongholds."

For at least the last week or so I've been struggling with depression. Monday night, though, I had a wonderful time with the Lord worshipping him, and also outwardly struggling with this thing that has gripped my brain. Tuesday I woke up so refreshed and declaring it a good day. And it was! But I woke up today as if none of that even happened. It really makes me realize what a constant thing it has to be... worship and fighting against all the forces that come up against me. I can't expect this one little victory to be the end of the battle. It makes me nervous, because I know me... I am the least disciplined person I know. And to think of always being in this struggle is so exhasting! But listen to this, it sounds like the enemy is giving me all kinds of reasons to give up. There's no way I'm gonna let him win. Please praay for me! For strength, a sound mind, discipline, discernment, and armor! I know I always whine about being so alone here, but distance doesn't matter now, when I know you are praaying for me.

Becoming Ashes

Hey. I realize I don't write in the blog as much as I used to. I'm just feeling a bit negative these days. I'd rather have happy things to write about. Last Saturday I did absolutely nothing. Talk about a bump on a log. The internet was down all weekend so I didn't even have that. It's depressing to even think about! I guess I didn't realize how much time I spent online til I didn't have it anymore. I didn't go out til later that night when we all went out bowling. We've declared Saturday night as bowling night. It's always a good time.

Sunday I hung out with 2 of my students, their friend, and their art teacher. We went to Chikan (another district of Zhanjiang). It was gorgeous and peaceful! And there were flowers everywhere. Inside the park was a small zoo, which was pretty depressing. Sad looking, malnourished animals in cement cages. The zoo included pheasants, horses, and a turkey too! I wanted to take the turkey home with me so I could have something familiar for Thanksgiving, but I don't think the zoo would have appreciated that. The horses were the worst sight ever. Almost made me cry. I had to just move on. We stayed for the little animal show. They had two little "happy" dogs do some tricks, and a fierce (not really) German Shepherd --reminded me of Rudy. It's crazy cuz they think big dogs are so ugly. I guess that's why they eat them. RUDY!!! They also had a black bear do some tricks, a poor little monkey and a tiger. The show would've been cute if the jerk-of-a-trainer would've quit abusing the poor animals. I wanted to whip him! So much for the zoo. But we managed to enjoy ourselves despite the cruelty we saw. Even my students were disgusted. Our next stop along the trails of the park was a roller skating rink. Who knew I'd be skating in China! I spent most of the time helping one girl from falling. Not too great with ballance, that one. I kinda used her as an excuse to get away from these creepy guys with no shirts on who wanted to hold my hand and skate with me. "I have to help my friend!" It was an outdoor rink, so the sun was beating down and we were all drenched in sweat. It was pretty gross actually. But again, we managed to have a good time.

So the park was great. Better than the parks here in Xiashan (our district), in my opinion. After the park we had lunch at a "western" restaraunt, which wasn't western at all, they just called it that cuz they serve steaks there and have pictures of white people on their menus. So we all had steak. But this was not steak. It was the worst excuse for steak I've ever seen. Myron, you would be so horrified! I don't even know how to describe it without triggering gag reflexes. But of course, my students are treating me to this food and it's not cheap for Chinese standards. I had to eat it. It made me think of how in the States we probably butcher Chinese food til it's not so Chinese anymore; they do the same thing to Western food. It's sad. And I still have that taco craving... it's evolving to an enchilada craving, or a straight up Mexican food craving!

Tonight I went out for dinner with some of the Chinese English teachers again. They are a lot of fun. The food was relatively normal, and very tastey. Mrs. Liew talked all night about her daughter studying heart-transplant in Canada. I think she's a tad proud, but with good reason.

I haven't gotten much sleep the past few nights. I don't know what the deal is. It could be a combination of having a hard-as-a-rock bed, stressed out, and a brain that just wont give me a rest (constantly thinking about a thousand things at once, and can't focus on just one thing). Hopefully tonight will be different.

Goooooood Night.

BeiHai

Wednesday morning we left bright and early for the bus station. The bus ride was actually very pleasant. Brenda and Nigel who've lived in China for over a year have had experience traveling, and were shocked that our bus wasn't even half way full. It helps that we traveled in the middle of the week and not during festivals. Brenda says usually if you travel during festival or even on the weekend, you could get trampled because there are so many people.

BeiHai is almost half way to Vietnam. A three hour bus ride. We didn't really know much about it before we left, but it was somewhere new, and we were in the mood for an adventure. We hopped in a taxi once we got there and told her to take us to the beach. She didn't speak a lick of English, but I got to use the Chinese I've learned so far. The road was so beautiful. It was lined with these huge trees with branches making a cool green canopy over us. And just when we thought we were in heaven, we saw a dead woman. There had been an accident, and there was a woman lying in the road, obviously thrown from her smashed motorbike. JC have mercy!

The taxi ride to the ocean seemed really short. She brought us to a fancy restaurant with tables right by the sea. We ordered our food by no easy means. It is quite a site. I wish I could record it for you in detail. They bring us over to tanks and tanks of live sea creatures of all kinds. Martin wants tuna, yeah right! I ended up being the translator. Xia- shrimp, ching tsai- green vegi, chao fan- fried rice, etc. I made sure they wrote down every thing and repeat it, cuz we are very familiar with the fact that they often get it wrong. So Martin chooses a random fish and the lady taking our order takes a net, gets the fish out of the water and then throws it on the ground for its execution. Brenda was so disturbed she high tailed it out of there. I was getting frustrated cuz Nigel kept ordering things in English expecting them to understand. He just doesn't realize that they won't understand him no matter how slow and loud he speaks in English! It was a trip I tell ya! But I was surprised at how much Chinese I remembered and could use, and they understood me! I took our map and asked the waitresses where we were. Holy cow! We were no where near the beach we were telling the driver to go. We knew right then that she was taking us on a goose chase, knowing that she'd get mucho bucks. She even convinced us to pay her to wait for us. Dude, there's cabbies everywhere. I don't know why we did that. Our meal ended up being SO expensive. Martin's fish alone was 200RMB! That's about $25USD. They totally ripped us off. That's what we get for not demanding menus. Then they can make up any ole' price. This place obviously gets a lot more tourism than in Zhanjiang. They are very good at squeezing every last penny out of you. At least they let us wear their Chinese hats. SO touristy. Nigel was making fun of the group of Chinese at the table next to us. The whole lot of them were wearing Hawaiian shirts AND matching shorts, in case you weren't sure they were tourists. Nigel (from the UK) made a stereotypical comment about how all American tourists wear those stupid Hawaiian shirts.

The taxi driver brought her English speaking friends over to the restaurant while we were eating to help us out. Plus they owned a pearl shop and wanted our business. So we got it clear where we wanted to go, and agreed on a price before leaving. She took us down some random road, stops and then tells us that this shop was her friend's pearl shop. We say, keep on driving we don't want any. So finally she takes us to this hotel. It was nice! Four star! It was off season, so we got a pretty good deal. Plus we got the top floor so we got a great view of the sea. Paying the driver was like the cherry on the top of a big rip off day. She charged us one and a half of our agreed on price because she made more then one stop (the pearl shop--a place we didn't even want to go!) Talk about frustrating! Right away after checking into our hotel we took a walk on the beach. It was low tide, so the beach seemed huge, and there were some jelly fish washed up on shore. They are the weirdest things. Women in those Chinese hats are everywhere trying to sell you their pearls. I'm glad I learned to say "I don't want, He don't want!" But even still, they literally hound you and put things in your hands and expect you to pay them. They don't take no for an answer. Brenda and I went off in search of a watermelon. We never found one, but we did stumble upon this little shop that sold many things including those Hawaiian shirt outfits. We couldn't resist! We both got an outfit, anticipating the look on Nigel's face! After a nice nap, we strolled over to the guys' room in our new crazy outfits. As soon as Nigel opened the door, he slammed it in our face! The look on his face was classic. Exactly what we hoped for. Martin was equally disgusted! It was great.

We were very excited to see the sunset. From Zhanjiang we face the east, so we never get to see the sunset there. And in BeiHai it overlooks the sea!! It was stupendously awesome. PTL! What a great vacation. That's me posing in the pic with my touristy Hawaiian outfit.

We trotted back to see what the hotel had to offer. It had its own bowling alley, so we played a couple games! Good times. We were so living it up. Next was an attempt to have dinner at the hotel. Luckily we met Sophie who spoke great English (so we thought). We had her help us order, but it was just as crazy as lunch! It takes a lot of patience! We spent so much, and the food wasn't even all that great. And the menu was really flawed in translation. What we thought we were ordering according to the menu, was not what we had in mind. Chicken feet for example, was something that ended up on our table, that we most definitely did not order. ANYWAY!!!!

They guys went to play snooker (British game similar to pool) and flirt with Sophie, and Brenda and I went for another walk on the beach in the dark. There were some people shooting off fireworks around. Very cool. It was so peaceful and quiet! Such a change from living in our busy city. Ours is a port city, so we don't have this nice beach at easy access. BeiHai is close enough that we could go for a weekend trip if we wanted!

After the nice walk, I sat on our room balcony overlooking the sea just thinking about a million things. Dwelling too much on how my students are becoming difficult. About how last week I wanted to go home and didn't want to be here. Very discouraged. Later I took a nice hot bath in the bathtub! A rare thing! I was trippin about my students, so it was good to just relax and get it out of my head.

What a great sleep I had! It was the first time since I've been in China that I haven't been woken up early by the school bell, or 10 thousand kids outside my window. It was quiet! I almost forgot quiet existed! Never before that have I woken up in China feeling refreshed. I looked out our window and it was amazing! I'm an inland girl, you know. So I've never seen such a thing as the tide in and out. It was like completely different scenery. How in the world did the water get so high so fast! Incredible!

Brenda and I went to the beach (which was considerably smaller then yesterday) right away and found the guys already there swimming. Then we went to attempt eating lunch. It was a little more successful then yesterday, except Brenda lost it! It was kinda funny and kinda scary! She was done trying to order anything at all. After lunch we went for a swim in the hotel pool. It was so cold! Then we went home, bought a bus ticket, and went home. We fit a lot into our short little trip to BeiHai! And it was a good time.

Sadly I am not looking forward to teaching again. Thinking about it gives me a headache. Mainly because I know I have to start disciplining the students before it gets more out of control then it already is. I have been way to easy on them, now they talk during class as if I wasn't even there. I don't want to be disrespected like this. So just the thought of confrontation brings so much anxiety!

Please Pr for me. I'm discouraged, lonely, and struggling. But when I'm not thinking about poor me, then I'm fine. Just want to die to me. It's tough. Are my expectations that the Father wants to do something big in my life while I'm alone here too much? Am I just screwing myself up? See... These are the kinds of things that go through my head. But in my heart, I am confident that I'm not alone, and that He is doing something in me even now. But there's a huge chasm between the two, and they are constantly in battle. Just lately it seems my mind is the loudest.

Glorious Free time!!

Tomorrow is freeeee! Yes! It is so nice to have a few days off of teaching. The students have midterms, so we foreign teachers don't have to teach. So four of us are going to BeiHai. It's three hours away and half way to the Vietnam border. Not sure exactly what's all there, but we heard it was nice so we bought some bus tickets. So it will be a little adventure.

I can tell that I'm ready for a break. This last week of teaching was really blah. Some of that had to do with the fact that me lesson plan was a big blah. But instead of beating myself up about it, I've decided to chalk it up to experience.

My informal Chinese lessons are going great. I really like Xiong Tao, my teacher. We learn a lot from each other. I found out that she's only 23! She told me that if I put my mind to it, I have what it takes to learn the language. Chinese study habbits are so disciplined. I don't know if I could study like they do. But I really am motivated to learn this language!

Last Saturday night, Nigel had every one over to play Chinese poker. It's actually a drinking game. I wasn't sure if I should go or not. But I don't want them to think I'm unsocial or lame. I told myself that I was not going to drink at all. Still I was afraid that they would pressure me. I think it's only the Lord's doing that the conditions were just right for me to be able to have a good time without giving in to the drinking. Nigel was totally fine with my choice and only made fun of me a little. Arthur just asked why, and wondered how do I ever relax...do you smoke? do you do drugs? do you drink? He couldn't understand that I didn't need these things to be relaxed and happy and have a good time. The person I was really worried about though was Martin. He's the one who always challenges my lifestyle. But he didn't show up til after the beer ran out! He did bring more, but was a little put off by the one girls serious drunkenness that he didn't bother me about it. So I survived the night without compromise, but to be honest, I'd rather not be in that situation ever again. Socially we had a good time, but next time I'm going to make sure I'm busy that night. It's just too much pressure, and I can't go on pretending that I'm this super strong righteous person and then use moments like this to prove it to myself. I need JC just as much as the next guy.

Tonight I was watching this Animal facts show on TV. The beginning started with the story of evolution and how things supposedly came about. But I couldn't help but smile every time the narrator used the word design. Romans 1:19-22. The Creator is still very much at work these days. Lately he's seemed quiet and far off. But I know that He's never stopped doing his thang, no matter how I feel.

PTL Anyhow

Wednesday afternoon I knew I had to plan my next set of lessons since I would have no time that evening because I was having dinner at Lilla's friend's house. So during the lunch hour I planned this nice lovely lesson on an introduction to culture. I want to not only share about my culture and the differences there are with theirs, but also want them to be able to express and define unique and special things about their own culture. That afternoon I had two more lessons. Between lessons I was talking to one of the Chinese teachers and she was telling me how she would like to sit in on my lesson the next day. Sure, I said, I will be talking about culture. Then she just had to burst my bubble. "But we don't discuss culture for another three weeks [according to their text book]. You should talk about earthquakes, becuase that is what their text book is on now." So this entire time, I've only refered to their test book a couple times and its never been a problem. We are supposed to come up with our own material. But I guess it makes sense to do something fairly relavent, seeing as they have midterms next week. But it filled me with all kinds of anxiety since I had absolutely no time to plan an entriely new lesson now. Arg.

After the second afternoon class, some of my girl students said they had to tell me something. They fumbled and stumbled to find words, all I understood was "trousers." Then they drew a picture. "Your trousers! Open!" Yeah, my fly had been wide open during the last two classes! AAH! The girls said, "You are red!" I laughed and said, "I am SOOOO embarrassed, I am going to die!!!" We all had a good laugh, and I immediately fixed the problem... he he.

Right after classes I ran to another building to help out the Jr. students with a listening exam. Martin and I were brought to the control room... spooky dude! From this room you discover that every classroom has a video camer and they can see AND hear everything! There are tons of little TV's.... it's pretty high tech! It was mine and Martin's job to read through a mic some dialogues and stories. And we could see the class who was carefully listening and taking this exam. It was kinda fun. But spooky all the same! It's a strange feeling to know I am always being watched. I'm sure they aren't able to watch all classes at once though, since there are over 100 different classes in this school.

After helping with the exam, I quickly got ready for my dinner date. Lilla's friend Coral invited me to her home. She lives pretty close to the school on the tenth floor of a building. The view was cool. She had a really nice appartment actually. Huge big screan TV, three bedrooms, nice well-equipped kitchen. Livin' large. At first it was only Coral and Linger there, the two that barely speak English. But even after Lilla got there, the one who speaks English pretty well, it was still awkward. They pretty much all talked to eachother the entire time in Chinese. Once in a while Lilla would interpret, which made me almost glad I didn't understand. Most of the time they were talking about the men they talk with online and what they talk about. And two of these women are married! Dinner was interesting. There was a ton of food. Coral made a traditional Chinese dinner, where there are plates and plates of raw meat and vegies, and you put them all in the same boiling water. Shrimp, beaf, pork, fish, liver, chicken. They kept putting stuff on my plate, and I know they were just being hospitible and nice, but it was really frustrating for me. Cuz I knew I had to eat it. But I just wanted to take my own food, ya know. The worst part was the liver. At first since it looked like beef when cooked I thought I could do this... but oh man. It was so aweful. It was all I could do to keep from gagging. They can really put it away, though. They ate SO much. They commented on how gentle an eater I was. I said it's prbably cuz it takes me so long to pick anything up with the chopsticks. (But truely, I'm pretty good at it... I just needed an excuse!) This is the third time hanging out with Lilla, and each time has been SO strange!

Afterwards, we went to the living room to chat. They wanted me to give them an English lesson. And soon they were asking to meet with me once a week for an English lesson. They say "We will be good friends." So, ok, maybe on Wednesdays. Then they tell me they want me to introduce American guys to some Chinese girls, and have like a matchmaking service!! They are serious! After that night I was thinking about all the things that took place. I really don't think that these women really want to be my good friend. I think they really just want free English lessons or something more. I'm usually a very trusting person, but I just don't get a pure-intentions vibe from these chicks. It kind of breaks my heart. I'd really like to have some faith in these people! I was telling Dream about what happend, and she aggreed that I cannot trust these ladies. They just want something from me, and think that it will up their social status by having a foreign friend. I'm used to people wanting to talk to me simply to practice their English, but these ladies really pursued it and buttered me up with their "friendship," fancy meals, tours of Chikan, and facials. So, now I have to find my way out of this. I would love to be their friend, and I would love to hang out with them. But I will not allow myself to be used. Sigh.

When I returned home that night, I was up late planning a new lesson. I didn't like the "earthquake" idea, so I made it broader and changed it to "natural disasters." So if I atleast mention earthquakes, maybe the Chinese teacher will be happy. Besides, a lot of their vocabulary words are the same. And they can talk about the natural disaster they are most familiar with: typhoons. It was sadly not the most exciting lesson I've given. But I'm sure they'll forget it in no time. One of their vocab words was "shake." So I thought I'd teach them a song with the word "shake" in it...like the hokie pokie! Yeah, baby. For this age, they thought it was kinda stupid. But it was funny and passed the time a little.

So yeah! Next week they have midterms! This means that I don't have to teach classes on W,Th, or F! So I think Brenda and I are going to see some sites! It will be nice to have a little break. We might go to Hai Bin Hotel again, and this time I will be sure to take some pictures.

Thursday night Martin asked Brenda and I if we would help him out with a little problem he got himself into. He invited all of his grades' Chinse English teachers to have dinner with him that night. They are ALL women. He didn't want their outing to look scandalous, so he wanted our white faces their too. We went to some ghetto restarant that the ladies picked becuase it is "very delicious." They had reserved a private dining room that would be big enough for our group, but when we got there, there were two guys smoking in our room and the ladies, the waitresses, and even the restarant managers would not ask them to leave. It was so bizzare. I can't figure out why. So we ended up getting shuffled around and finally placed at a table outside near the mechanic shop. Nothing surprises me anymore. We actually had a really nice time. The ladies were very funny. And the food was pretty good. One of Martin's students was there at the restaraunt with her family celebrating her grandfather's birthday. They offered to give us a ride home in their car, so we didn't have to take a taxi. It was cool to be in a real car again! And not only did they give us a ride, but they gave us the rest of their grandpa's birthday cake!!! So generous! It was mighty yummy.

Last evening we got together with the Chinese teachers to play volleyball again. This time there was a lot of people that showed up! It was great fun. We played til so late we could barely see the ball.

As for me, I've been in good spirits and happy to be alive. Yet there is something in my heart that is longing for something more. A sign of my struggle: I feel that my mind is in many ways becoming desensitized to the profanity that is always coming out of the mouths of my fellow foreign co-workers. I didn't realize this completely until last night when something came out of my mouth subconsciously. I need Romans 12, to renew my mind and not conform to the patterns of this world! Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks! I know the Father understands, as my only company has been people with foul speach. It's been hard to be without like-minded people. And I confess that my time with Him has been quiet and barren. But I will not believe that He's left me or forgotten, because he hasn't. And I will not believe that He doesn't care, cause He does. Even when I don't understand why He seems far off, and even in the silence, the desert, the fruitless times... I will choose to PTL!

Passin' the Time

Well.......

I've decided to STAY. Whew! Actually, I've been thinking about it for a while now. I just wanted to see if any one felt very strongly that I should come home. But so far, every one is very supportive and encouraging about my staying here. So it's a good confirmation of what I've already been thinking. The only reason I could think of for coming home was to see family and friends. Besides that, I really felt I had no purpose for returning. I think if I would go home just to have those comforts and closeness of loved ones, I would be missing out on something greater. Like peace, contentedness, purpose, obedience, growth, adventure, and so on. So I've filled out a renewal application, but nothing is official yet. So if anything does happen that I need to come home, I am not committed til I sign a second contract. That probably won't happen for at least a couple months.

I finally got my working visa. Yeah, this entire time I've been working with just a tourist visa which is not entirely legal, and now I'm letting the whole world know! But it is not at all uncommon here. I will have to get a new visa if I stay as well. Maybe when I'm home I'll tell you the other not-so-legal things I've had to do to survive here. Yikes!

Friday after my lessons, I was getting so restless sitting in my apartment. I really needed some air. So I psyched myself up to go out by myself. (I hate going out by myself. When I'm out alone, the stares are SO penetrating it's the kind of feeling one might have in those dreams where you're naked, you know? I don't feel like this when I'm with someone. It's why I spend so much time in my apartment.) So anyway, I know I have to get over this feeling. So I went out at the best time... the lunch hour, when every one is having siesta. (Every one takes afternoon naps here). I went to the restarant and had lunch by myself, then I walked to the sea side park with my sketchbook. It was the most beautiful day ever! Perfect. The flowers were in full bloom, and the air smelled like Marigolds. I found a nice little spot on a bench near the water, and made a sketch of the scenery. It was SO peaceful and the breaze was so nice. It was great to be out in the open air. But unfortunately time went by fast, and the people traffic was increasing like the creepy men, the beggars asking for money, and every one who sees me has to say "hello0, helloo!" It's cute for like the first week, but now it's kind of annoying, especially when I just want a minute to myself in the open air. So I made my way back home to hide out in my apartment once again.

Last Saturday I made a new friend. Lilla is the English tutor for one of my students (Sasa). Sasa wanted me to meet her, so we went out for the day along with Lilla's son and his friend. Since I live in the Xiashan district, Lilla wanted to show me around the Chikan district. Lilla is super sweet, and her English is pretty good. We went shopping near the place where they're building a WalMart, and I bought a jacket (yeah, it's starting to get suprisingly cold here!) We went to a beautiful park, and talkd, jump roped, ate chocolate, and I tried to do a little Tai Chi. We went to McDonalds... they are so funny--always take me to eat KFC or McDs as if they must think I live off this stuff, when in fact I probably have eaten more often here then in the states! Whatever! Then Lilla wanted to show me her work place. She's very proud of it. I tried to seem impressed in order to not offend her, but it was just an ordinary office building.

Sunday was nice. I finally went and bought a frying pan. I was getting a little tired of cooking everything in a wok. So to break it in, I bought a really nice looking fish. I've never really fried fish before, but I was really hungry for some good fish. So I fried it up in my new pan with some ginger, salt, and fresh squeezed lemon. Dang! It was stinking good, along with some cherry tomatoes with fresh basil. Good eatin'.

Sunday night was our first Chinese lesson. Brenda and I asked XiongTao to help us out. She's a physics teacher here, but her English is excellent. Brenda was getting a little frustrated and overwhelmed so left early, but I stayed on and worked on some useful phrases and using the tones. It's tough! But I think if I really put my mind to it, I could speak this language.

Last night I hung out with Lilla again. She took me to a little shop to meet her friends and for facials. It was my first time on a motor bike! There are motorbikes everywhere that are used like taxi. I've always been afraid to ride one, cuz it looks so unsafe. But Lilla called a couple guys over and she tells me to hop on a bike. What's more is I was wearing a skirt! So I'm sitting side-saddle on a motorbike, holding on to this driver for dear life with only one hand! The other was grasping my purse so it wouldn't go flying off. I was wearing floppy shoes, too, so I had to hold my feet up so they wouldn't fall off. Crazy! I can't believe I'm still alive. Ok... enough drama. People do this ALL the time. I still prefer a real taxi.

So I met Lilla's friends Coral and Linger. They barely spoke English... Only a little more then I speak Chinese. So it was kinda awkward. Lilla gave us all facials with a special product that she swears by. I'm feeling a little strange becuase these women are all like in their 40's, not that I can't be friends with them, but I just didn't know what to say. I'm used to being a big dork with my students and talking about stupid stuff like "what's your favorite color." And their English was too poor to have a real conversation. Afterwards we went out for evening tea. This means another meal after supper, aparently, since they ordered all kinds of things. One of which was pig stomache. I tried as politely as I could to refuse it. I could barely look at the stuff without getting queezy, and I've seen a lot of weird things already! How could they eat this???? I don't know. I stuck to the green vegetables.

So even after this strange night, I got another invitation to have dinner at Coral's house on Wednesday. They want to cook for me. Ok, cool. I like food. And now that they know I don't eat strange pigparts, maybe it will be ok. Evening tea lasted til midnight! These ladies know how to party I guess! I was startin' to turn off at aroun 10pm! That's when I usually hit the hay. I kept thinking about my 7:45am class the next morning.... class 24 (the bad one)! I wasn't prepared for them, I didn't realize how late we'd be out. Stress! Good thing I took a 3 hour nap earlier in the day. I was up pretty late preparing. The lesson went pretty good. But I did have to confiscate some playing cards that a boy began to deal out to his buddies during class! Sheesh.

More adventures later!