Press In

So I'm finally moved into my new place. It's nothing fabulous, but it's a place to lay my head. I finally got a bed after sleeping on the floor for a week. I still don't have any other furniture tho. It's interesting. I'm not complaining tho. God's been so good to me.

I went to North Carolina for a week with my folks to visit my bro Joe and sis Eva. Good times. Got to hear Heidi and Roland Baker and they had some amazing things to say. They're so free in the spirit and free from religion. It's so refreshing to be in their presence.

We saw Heidi again just last Wednesday in Maplewood, MN at a healing conference. It was cool. So I decided to check out the church where the conference was held this Sunday morning to see what a Sunday morning service was like. It was pretty cool. I went by myself and just enjoyed worshiping the Lord.. I didn't really take the time to meet any one tho. Maybe I'll go again next week and stick around a little bit longer. It still has a religious feel to it, but I decided it's better to be a part of something where people are seeking after God imprefectly then to be a part of nothing and try to seek him completely on my own... I've already figured out that it's really HARD! Why it's so hard, I'll never understand why.

And that leads to what the Lord's been teaching me in big ways these last couple weeks. I realized that I give up really easily. I get frustrated fast and give up when I'm expecting a touch from the Lord and nothing happens... I get mad! I get frustrated, I compare myself to others, I get easily distracted, I get discouraged, and I give up. I just say, forget it, He's ignoring me, doesn't he want me to want him, what am i doing wrong.... yadda yadda... all that stuff. But the last few days expecially I keep hearing the phrases "Press In" "Seek with all your heart" "Persevere" "Reach" PRESS IN. I feel the Lord is telling me to not give up so easily. He wants to know how much I really want Him. How hungry am I? I do want him, but I get discouraged because I feel like finding him shouldn't be so dang hard. But I have to believe not according to my experiences, but according to His Word which is truth that when I seek Him I will find him when I seek him with all my heart. So I'm asking the Lord for more and more hunger. I don't want to give up anymore. He's worth my time and my pressing in.