Treasures

"ETHIOPIA Homes of Christians Burned, Christian Man Killed - VOM SourcesOn January 8, the homes of three Christian families were burned by Muslims in the village of Begge. Even though the family belongings were burnt, no one was injured in the attack. At last report, the police had not yet investigated the incident or taken any action to bring the arsonists to justice. In the same area, 10 Christian youths have been living in a church building in Begge three months after fleeing from their homes. They were chased from their homes after their families threatened to execute them for converting from Islam. In a separate incident, a Christian man was killed by an unknown person in the town of Kofele. The father of five was hit on the head with a metal iron rod. His family believes he was killed by Muslims, since the Kofele area is dominated by Muslims. Pray God will comfort this brother's family in their grief. Ask God to encourage the Christian families who are homeless, so they can have deep assurance of God's love in the midst of tough times. Ephesians 3:14-19"


I get the VOM news letter in my email every month. I read it more closely now because my clients come from these countries... they fled those kinds of things. It makes it so much more real that I know the people personally. It brings it so much closer to home. Amazing.
I've only met a couple professing Christians though. Most of my clients are Muslim.

Yesterday I took my client Ghanalay home. She's from Liberia. I did some reading up on the war going on there. I don't know why she had to have a hip replacement, but according to others who have worked with her before something terrible happened to her in Liberia. She has three year old son with her. The rest of her older children are still in Liberia. She doesn't know if she will ever see them again. She's my age.

All these realities never cease to stun me into appreciation for the life I've been SO graciously given, the family I've been SO blessed to have and KEEP, the oportunities for success and comfort, the CHOICES I'm allowed to make.

I have a few new clients now. What incredible stories will I get to hear next, what treasured lives will I have the privilege to invest in now?

I shall BEHOLD him

Thanks for praying. I haven't had a bad dream for a while. Dad says I should write down my dreams, some may give spiritual insite in the future. I've written a couple down so far as I remember them.

My life seems to be going very well now... in a worldly sense. I have a great job (just got another raise! PTL!) I just bought a sweet ride, I have the most wonderful close family, I have my own apartment, I have great friends who love me, I have my health, I am in need of nothing.

But, of course, none of these things as great as they are, can fully satisfy my heart, my soul, my spirit. I still long for, like never ceasing hunger deep deep within me... for intimacy with my God. To know him and be known by him. I know I will never be truly satisfied til he wraps me up... can such a thing happen before I die and go to be with him in heaven? I know I can experience him in a real way here and now. I know because of the testimony of others. I hate to be left out of that. I know I've expressed these things before, but it's constantly before me... I can't ignore it. I find myself going through days after days without giving him a moment. I go to sleep thinking, another day has passed, just like the one before... another day same ol' same ol'...how long will it go on like this?

And then I think of traveling... wanting to escape again. Hoping that I might find Him somewhere else since this situation isn't doing it for me... again. But that's not the problem is it? Geography has nothing to do with it. But perhaps a trip can distract me from what I don't have. Running away to find something or running away to forget that I'm looking for something? Well, I'm not going to travel yet for a while, but I do know in my heart that the Lord is not done taking me places. But when I go it will not be out of escape, but out of obedience and with a mission. For now... I will stay here and wait on him to show me where he is and what it is to die to myself daily. So far myself is coming up with plenty of excuses to stay home and watch a movie. Day after day after day after day. Why can't today be the day that isn't like all the others?

When I go to fellowship with others I used to expect more. But now I don't expect as much, cuz nothings happened before. I almost expect nothing, or at the very most that I might be able to see something cool happen with someone else. And I worry that my state of spirit might be interfering with the rest of the group causing the unity to be unbalanced so the great things that might have been aren't able to be due to my presence. See how the enemy likes to discourage and belittle me. But I go anyway. Cuz there's still a glimmer of hope that the Lord might do something with me. That one of these days a wall can collapse and one of these days he might let me into the garden of his presence.

So tonight I go again to another fellowship gathering. Not knowing how to think or feel. To observe the favor poured out on others... observe... that's what I usually do. Observe and not participate. For what is there for me to contribute but this negativity and doubt. That's what I want to change too... I want to be a part... and not just observe. Could tonight be the night of breakthrough? And with a thought like that comes doubt and fear and all that crap.

Who knows. God's bigger then me and all those little voices I hear telling me that every day will be the same for the rest of my life. I have faith that things WILL change. It's just a matter of time before I will know his voice, and I will walk with him, and I will be covered in his authority, and overflow with his love. I know I am his... but there's a difference between just belonging to him and beholding him. And I know I shall...

Painted by Eva Carroll

Sleep, or something like it.

A million questions in my head at night. It takes me a long time to fall asleep. But...

The past two nights I've had night mares. The first night was such a terrible dream filled with such terrible wickedness I feel guilty for even having dreamt it, such wickedness it haunted me the rest of the day and made me feel so terrible. It gave me a glimpse at how truly disgusted God is with sin, and why it is he can't be near it and why he turned his back on Jesus when he took all my past present and future sins on himself that terrible day going into the depths to take my punishment and leave those nasties in the depths where they belong. Such wickedness cannot be tollerated.

The last nights dream was terrible in a different way, more terrifying and scary. I woke up in the middle of the night with a stiffness, terrified that if I moved I would be seen by them.

Jesus! Help me!

Christmas vacation was so wonderful. I could play on the ice all day. What fun!
But now it's back to work. It's definitely awesome to be at this job, but nothing beats spending time with family.

A lot on my mind these days. Long for a confidant, one that knows how to pry open these steel walls that gaurd me.