Searchings

Searching for Truth isn't easy. There are so many things going on that are so widely accepted. I attended a very pentacostally/charasmatic meeting the other night and there were some really weird things that happened that i did not recieve very well. I was hurt and a little confused by the whole thing. It was such a contrast to just the night before that when I was fellowshipping with some totally awesome Jesus Lovers. There were no bells and whistles, no emotion-building gimics... just us a the Lord and it was soooo amazing. Thank you Holy Spirit. The next night was this traveling evangelist trying to spread around this annointing, and dude, it was just so out there for me. So it was so nice tonight because I really wanted to share with my friends who were also there what I thought of the whole thing. It was so so awesome how loving and understanding they were. They didn't think less of me for taking offense at the goingons. They totally understoon where I was coming from and gave me great counsel. They said they too get offended by things, but we have a choice to build a wall and judge and let that thing that rubs us the wrong way keep us away. or we can pray for the person or situation that's making us uncomfortable. our attitude should always be that of prayer. So i do pray.

God is so cool. I absolutely am in awe at how he is answering prayers i've prayed for years... to really know him. it's taken so long. so long to come to this point. and i know so well that i have so far yet to go. it's a weird place where im' at. I feel as though i've started at the beginning of this walk. I want to learn how to do the most basic things like pray and read the Bible... cuz somewhere in the religion I never REALLY learned to do that. I want to do it for real. I want to do it out of pure love for Jesus. I am at the beginning. Everything I ever learned about God or whatever, I want to relearn but in a more real way... not just a theological subject full of doctrine and man made terminology etc... i want to know him for real. for real.... what that looks like, im not sure. it might get weird... but if its Him and if its for real, then bring it on.